Why men threaten women

You may also be eligible for legal protections that allow immigrants who experience domestic violence to stay in the United States. Call a national domestic violence hotline for guidance. These services are free and protect your privacy. The only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, loved one, health care provider or other close contact. You can also call a national domestic violence hotline. At first, you might find it hard to talk about the abuse.

But understand that you are not alone and there are people who can help you. You'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support. An abuser can use technology to monitor your telephone and online communication and to track your location. If you're concerned for your safety, seek help. To maintain your privacy:. In an emergency, call — or your local emergency number or law enforcement agency.

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Melanie finally kicked the alcohol habit after leaving her partner, and described how ill she had become when with her partner. Psychologically, my head is just a mush a lot of times. I mean, I can do the mum role because that, I do that with my eyes closed. And they are my world. So I can do the mum role. Sometimes not being able to shower, to eat, to sleep. Feeling numb. Knots in my stomach. Being hypervigilant. Listening to doors going. I was taking medication, as in medication, I was taking co-codamol tablets but I was given those by my ex- at that point, he was supplying me with them and keeping me numb as well as the drink.

I smoked weed as well. But that was him as well. The, you know, these are the things that kind of kept me in my place, kept me quite reserved. This led them to feel they must stay with their partner as no-one else would want them. In order to please their partner some women tried to dress in a way that he preferred and they lost the ability to make their own choices. Lolita began to feel unhappy about her appearance, which led to comfort eating and weight gain. Did you begin to believe those things about yourself?

I could never believe that, because if I was nice enough to find him I could be nice enough to find somebody else. So I never believed that. So I kind of felt like I had nothing left to give myself. I put on weight because I was eating a lot to try and comfort myself. So I decided to just not do anything, and to just live life on autopilot.

Anna described the impact of having her appearance criticised. And he told me, he says, I was a size 8 when I met him, he told me after having four children I had no rights to be a size 8 and that gave him the right to treat me how.

So that led to me hating my figure from that moment. So emotional abuse Emotional abuse. In hindsight. Gone on for years. And when he sulked you got, no one was happy when he sulked. How long would he sulk for do you think? The sulking could go on for days. But it would lead to him losing the rag. You knew he was going to, it was just boiling, you knew it was. Controlling sexual activity - Sex for favours Sex was used as a form of control.

Controlling behaviour using sex became the norm for some of these women. Several described how they were regularly forced to have sex before being allowed money to feed their children or pay for clothes.

Nothing at all? So he … controlled everything? These things. And he will get it. But if I say again and again, like if I have like three nappies left … Uh-huh. And then if he is annoyed he is not going to buy anything. So what would happen?

So I was like … more in that pressure. I want that nappies, I want that milk. And, okay, he … he might buy me the take away, but what I will do … like a few baby foods you have to make with the milk.

Yes of course. This and that. But in order to get things, ask him to do … I have to sleep with him. If I want to see my son to have toys, have food, have clothes … You had to pay for it with sex? So that was what your life was like at that time? Verbal abuse Verbal abuse was a common response to a woman trying to question her partner or going out of the house on her own.

Women described how they would often be blamed for the outburst. I had to be in at half past ten. I was allowed friends to the house but if they were going out or we went out before that, had to be in. I was very emotionally abused by him for a long time. I was fat, I was a slag, a slut.

And looking back now, when I started college, I can remember saying to people I believed he was going to kill me. So you started college while you were with this man?

Yeah, I started college. Because, when I met him, I was in my last year of school, so then I started college and I was with him… yeah, so I started college. Alright hairdressing and beauty. It was a two year course. So, yeah, I enjoyed that. So… Yeah. So what effect did all this have on you and how you felt about yourself? He controlled my life. I got lost in him. Had your move not happened yet at this point?

Well, we moved last August. How did you feel? I felt as though he was going to kill me. Right yeah. But my daughter was there. She had arrived? My youngest. The other one, yeah. But he was — but it was his face, it was, it was just like evil.

Ana had a baby with her partner and they returned to her home town in Europe to get married. They were like young boys that she knew. She was chatting to them. And he just ignored me, and I thought, I kind of thought mm, like my husband to be?

Like my darling husband just ignored me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, you can fuck yourself. Depressed, anxious and scared, Alonya felt it was safer to keep the peace with her husband until she could work out a plan to leave, but friends witnessed his abusive behaviour. And we had some these kind of difficult moments. And pointing, his finger was always going to, into my eyes blameful.

Blaming in everything, in so many things. And telling how horrible person I was. And so she came, I remember, and she just waited outside and I came out and he followed me. He had a cigarette in his hand and he tried to put his cigarette into my hand, like….

To burn you? And how did that make you feel in yourself, when you heard him telling these things? I just wanted to die. Started with his friends, my friends, he a, he started to tell them that I was a bad person. And how did your friends react? I mean were you able to really talk to them about what was happening in the relationship….

And I wanted to leave, but there was another subject already. Threats to harm women and their children Abusive partners used threats as a means of exercising control, making women respond to their demands out of fear of an escalation of abuse. These threats carried a very real fear and danger for the women, since they were based on abuse and harm to which they had already been subjected. He left the house, so I locked the door behind him. So I was left feeling exposed and I just felt like everything, like all my fears had come true.

You know what I mean. Is there anywhere you could have gone? The seriousness of his threats was revealed when Linda returned home after staying with family for a few days. Her partner had left, smashing up the family home behind him. Were you able to go?

I did, I went. You did? And was that during that time that you were away, or was that, yeah that weekend you were away. Yeah everything. And I was teaching again, on the Monday. So how did you manage? I just re-did it.

So after that event. Had one of those silent periods. Of everything? In the bathroom. Tanya returned home with the whisky to find that her husband had dug her a grave.

I mean - where do you go from there? Yeah, but I put up with it. I need to sell it [laughs]. Because I was, I was just crying all the time a couple of years ago, crying all the time. Swearing and telling Tina she would regret having challenged him, he threatened her with a gun. All right. I rebuilt my life after hitting rock bottom at My estranged daughter says she only wants my money and jewelry. Do I include her in my will?

My wife is a stay-at-home mom. Are we doing OK? Catey Hill. Hidden in plain sight is a U. Record 4.